i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
