What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was like eating out sand paper
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
