are you so shy because you have an std?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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