Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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