I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
