Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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