i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
