I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
