why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
