I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
