his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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