he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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