When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
