i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
