It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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