I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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