Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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