She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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