Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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