Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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