You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
