Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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