This girl is more easily done than said...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
