Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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