There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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