Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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