I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
