I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
