In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
