thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize