all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
