just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
