im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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