if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
