Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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