thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
