We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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