So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
