Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're like the curious george of whores
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
