Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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