If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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