i'm signing you up for texting rehab
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
