Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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