The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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