I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
