it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
