people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
