watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
