I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
sex in a hospital.. check
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
