chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
