Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
