"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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