I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
