To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
