he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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