So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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