omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I love you.
Bad choice
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
