Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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