So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the gays at disneyland are vicious
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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