high people should be assigned attendants
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
