Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
either way he was missing a nipple.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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