We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
