I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
