Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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