and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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