I just made out with a guy for $7.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
