SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
