All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
