I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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