Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
