I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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