I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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