He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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