Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
