Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Someone signed my nipple.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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