do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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