Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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