The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
