Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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