I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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