I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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