he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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