Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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