But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
