even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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