Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize