Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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