just survived the first fart of the relationship.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
