dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
