Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
