So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
