I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
