highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize