We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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