Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
