Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
