my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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