she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
