and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize