I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
