he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
