I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
im on a boat
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