Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
